College doesn't make sense financially these days

I have to agree with what he's saying here.

It's amazing what God can do

It's amazing what God can do in such a short amount of time.

I recently directed a 3-day workshop for college students and young professionals. The theme was, "Building a God-centered Lifestyle, one step at a time". Going into this workshop, I was really nervous. Not only was it my first time directing a workshop, but I didn't know all of the participants coming. I didn't know what their perspectives were, why they were coming to this workshop. I knew I don't have the power to control how people think, and not having control over a situation can be a very scary thing.

Looking at the audience, it was apparent that people were coming in from all walks and stages of life. What was important, though, was what my mentors told our staff team. "Allow God to work through you."

Fast forward 3 days. It was hard to believe what I was hearing. Some participants realized the importance of thinking about God in their lives. Participants created action steps to build their relationships with God. Some started to recognize who they are as God's sons and daughters. Some found explanations for what they had been going through over the past year, and realized what God was asking them to do next. Myself included.

Some participants admitted that when registering for this workshop, they had their doubts. "What kind of outcome could come about in just 3 days?" So how did all of that happen? The workshop itself wasn't particularly extraordinary. The only thing that can explain it is that God exists, and is constantly present and working in our lives. This workshop was proof of that to me.  

-Maruko Breland

Capitalism in a nutshell

In our society, money represents value. So generally speaking, the more money you are making, the more value you are adding to society. In this perspective, it is basically your fellow man that determines how much value you are adding, not by lip service but by actually giving you their hard earned money in exchange for the value you are providing.

In this sense it is a bit strange that in a capitalist country like America people would accuse those who are rich of being greedy. Because in actuality those rich people are the ones doing the most for others.

Window shopping

A dynamic life and personal responsibility

The interesting thing about practicing free will and having the ability to make your own decisions is that you also become responsible for the outcomes. And yet the tendency in our society is to try to limit human freedom because we don't like the outcomes that we see, so we impose an excessive amount of regulations to limit freedom to make these bad decisions. Yet the way I see it, these regulations do not end up actually helping the situation - they don't trust people with responsibility and thus they try to set up physical barriers without addressing the root issue. 

In the end the only way to improve outcomes is to have people to learn from their mistakes. This means giving them the freedom to make mistakes but then holding them accountable for the outcomes. Not only is this the natural way that people learn, it is also what allows for a dynamic life where one can realize their full potential. 

It's the Little Things

When it comes to family life, the little things matter. In order for the family to be healthy, it's important for each person to contribute, to serve and live for the sake of the other family members. And it’s not just about doing it once - it's doing it consistently.

My best teacher in this area has been my husband, Nathan. Ever since I first met him, I could see he was a hardworking person. But I've also seen that a lot of times, people appear a certain way in public, but we see a different side of them once they're at home - a more laidback side. To be comfortable in one's home environment is natural. But what impressed me about Nathan was that he worked hard regardless of where he was.

Now that we're married, it's something I appreciate so much about him. Although I'm sure he comes home tired from a long day of work, the first thing he does when he comes home is smile at our young son. He understands that when he comes home, it's not just about relaxing. When he comes home, he's a husband and a father. This entire week, since I've been busy at work, after he comes home from work he's been cooking dinner every night for our family. He stays up late washing the dishes, and putting our son to bed.

In a family, these acts of service are so crucial. They may seem simple, because they need to be done daily, but they're not easy to do consistently, especially when you're tired. I thank my husband for being my example of what it means to serve your family, in both the big and small ways. How important that is to build a healthy, happy family. I have much to learn!

-Maruko Breland

Don't take it personally

When we face challenges that stretch our mental and emotional limitations, it becomes easy to become defensive and to perceive every criticism as a personal attack. More often than not, however, it is our perception that has become warped to be hyper sensitive in those situations rather than the criticisms having malice in them. To deal with these situations, besides simply waiting for the tense emotions to subside, I find that the fundamental outlook necessary to see beyond my personal situation is to be motivated by a higher purpose. Without having a higher purpose as a solid foundation with which to view such situations, it becomes near impossible to view them objectively and deal with them properly.

A tense snowstorm in Washington, Winter 2019

Fatherhood: a noble institution

Today on a call with my parents and younger brother, we discussed about the unique role of fathers. An interesting point that was brought out is that the concept of fatherhood is not as innate and automatic as the concept of motherhood, for clear biological reasons. Thus we discussed how from a purely anthropological perspective it requires a higher ethic for fathers to stay involved as committed caretakers within a family.

Given the abundant social data on the importance of two-parents homes for the rearing of healthy and successful children, I would say that uplifting the institution of fatherhood is all the more important for the continued prosperity of humanity.

Am I Being Judged?

My friends and I have been talking recently about the topic of judgment. 

We sometimes feel judged by the people around us, sometimes even by the people closest to us - our parents, our mentors, our friends and peers, and even God. It can be painful, and often makes us put limitations on ourselves. What should we do about this? And how can we make sure we don't judge others wrongly?

I remember a discussion I was having with a group of people once. We were all sharing about how sometimes we feel judged. We took time sympathizing with each other. But then one young lady asked us all a question: "But wait, are people really judging you?" The rest of us were quiet. She continued, "For a long time, I thought my parents were judging me. But then one day, I realized they're actually not. It's what I perceived, what I made up in my own head." 

I'll never forget what she said, because it gave me an entirely new perspective on judgment. Oftentimes, we feel judged, but are we willing to see if that's really true? Are we being judged, or are we actually judging the other person? 

After that, I realized another point, too. Even if people are in fact judging us, it doesn't really matter. I can't control what the other person thinks. What I can control is myself, how I think, and how I treat others, including that person. If I choose to treat them with respect and love, maybe that judgment will disappear.

-Maruko Breland

What does true love look like?

A few times in my life I have had a glimpse into what true love looks like. In these moments I've experienced a profound love that is deeper than what I myself could prove and could only be described as coming from a divine source.

What is true love? My definition of true love is a pure and totally unselfish love that desires to uplift another with no reservation. 

On reflection I realize that those profound experiences of true love have always occurred when I was desperately trying to love someone that I found not only difficult to deal with but in fact so overwhelmingly annoying and obnoxious that it often took my full concentration to refrain from hitting them in rage. 

After a long period of praying for and contemplating how to love the individual, at some point I have this profound experience where I am filled with this overwhelming feeling of love for the person. 

Today I had a small experience like this and it made me reflect on what true love looks like once again. In this experience someone who I once again found annoying beyond comprehension was finally able to acknowledge something I had been trying to convey about his behavior and even reciprocated some level of responsibility to solve the problem. 

Even if to a small extent, I felt a level of God's love for this person and realized that God must have wanted to love this person through me and was hoping that I would not give up on him but keep investing in that relationship. 

Next time I feel like giving up on someone or letting go of my emotions out of frustration, I will remember that God has a deeper love for them than what I at the moment feel I can provide.  

Dealing with a Bad Day

To be honest, today was just one of those days. Things just wouldn't go right, and it felt like everyone was out to get me. Even from the morning I started to get overwhelmed by this, but I remembered a key point that helped me through the day: attitude. 

No matter what happens, it's my attitude and how I choose to respond to something based on it that will make it a good or bad experience. I recognized that although the morning was difficult, the rest of the day didn't have to be a "bad day". My attitude would determine that. 

At one point later on in the day, things got difficult again. I was receiving feedback from someone at a meeting I was attending, and I was taking things very personally. I took a minute to step out of the room and think about the situation. i came to the conclusion that although people's feedback may hurt sometimes, it's important to hear it so we can work on improving. 

Looking back, I realized this could have been a really bad day. But I decided that I wasn't going to to let it be a bad day. With that attitude, it actually turned into a great day because I learned so much. 

-Maruko Breland

America: A nation founded upon high ideals

America is a unique nation in world history because it was founded upon lofty ideals that could embrace the breadth of humanity in all its diversity. While other nations have also had success in assimilating different cultures, America is unique in that its argument for why people should be free to assimilate is based on a spiritual truth: that all men are created equal by God.

This compelling phrase in the Declaration of Independence led millions of people of all backgrounds to immigrate here with the hope to realize their full God-given potential without the man-made inhibitors that existed everywhere else.

The peculiar thing is that these days, if I say I'm proud to be an American, some people might accuse me of loving my nation to the exclusion of others. But the way I see it, America is a beacon on a hill and by uplifting American exceptionalism based on our founding ideal, it is encouraging other nations to follow suit and also stand for lofty ideals that will benefit all people.

U.S. veterans park

Where can you learn about peace?

Today in a call with my parents, younger brother and wife we discussed about how peace can seem so far away at times yet at the same time so close.

In today's world with headlines filled with the latest bombings and attacks it can seem that there is nowhere to learn what peace could look like.

Yet then we look at the natural world and see that the created universe exists in harmony and balance.

It goes to show that humanity was given a peaceful nature but somehow lost it.

To me, this conclusion highlights the importance of seeking out God's original ideal and also learning from nature, in order to realize a world of peace. Without being in tune with the fundamental principles of peace, it will be difficult to realize it given our current state of turmoil.

Community as My Extended Family

Today, I was reminded of the importance of a community. 

I'm very grateful for my family - my dad, mom and older brother. Each of them are so important to me. But growing up, I didn't have any younger siblings. I didn't have any sisters. All my grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins were in Japan. Those are relationships I didn't really get to experience, 

As the baby girl of the family, I grew up mostly getting my way and getting what I wanted. But God had other things in store for my future. 

I started getting more involved in my religious/spiritual community in high school. There, I had the opportunity to interact and build relationships with lots of different people - men and women older than me, boys and girls younger than me. Through forming bonds with elders, I learned what it means to be a younger sister and niece. Through investing in young children and younger peers, I learned what it means to be an older sister. 

These new relationships allowed me to grow and expand my heart in so many ways. This was the value of a community to me - it became my extended family, and the place where I could learn to live for others.

-Maruko Breland

 

Marriage is for building a Family

One of my respected elders recently said, "A married couple shouldn't wait too long after marriage before having children." After my personal experience, I agree.

I had always known growing up that I wanted children, at least three of them. In my imagination I would picture having a boy first, then a girl, then another boy. This was my dream. 

My husband and I were married in 2015, and we waited three years before having children. Something happened during those years that I didn't expect. During our second year of marriage, I started having a strong sentiment that I did not want to have children. Any of them. I even shocked myself with this thought, but it was hard to shake off. 

There could have been a number of reasons for this. I started feeling comfortable with just living with my husband, that I didn't feel the necessity for anything to be different. In fact, I wanted things to stay the way they were. And maybe part of me was scared of the responsibility that comes with bearing and raising a child. I didn't feel ready to become a mom. 

But I knew that deep within me remained the desire to have children. Not just the desire, but my values led me in that direction. I grew up learning that the purpose of marriage is to create a family, not a couple alone. I learned that becoming a parent is the best way to understand God's heart. After continuously reminding myself of these points, I slowly gained back the desire to have children. 

And I'm so glad I did, because having a child was the best decision of my life. We were blessed with a son last year. In no way am I a pro at being a mom yet - I'm a total beginner! But what's amazing is what I'm learning every day - how to give love with my whole heart. It's not easy, but it is the deepest joy that I've ever felt. I've realized that marriage is for the sake of building a family. The children give that husband and wife purpose, and bring them so much closer together in love, their sense of responsibility and their drive to become better people. Children truly are a blessing, to the marriage of their parents and to the entire family. 

The paradox of apathy

Usually you would think that by being apathetic to someone or something, you are distancing yourself from whatever problems might be associated with that person or situation. 

Yet in fact, by being apathetic to it, what actually happens is all those problems grow and often end up biting us in the butt.

Why is this the case? Whether we recognize it or not, we are all intrinsically connected in a web of relationships that are undeniable and absolute. Of course some relationships, like family, are innately more significant than others, but nevertheless they all form a vast web that makes up our humanity. 

To exhibit apathy because you dislike something is to deny this fundamental truth of life, and naturally the problem you were trying to avoid will only get bigger and eventually face you head on once again. 

Our family is not Korean but we are showing our support for the peaceful resolution of the 70-year division as part of the #KoreanDream campaign.

Do I really have a dream?

Today on a call with my parents and younger brother we discussed about visionary leadership as exemplified by individuals like Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi and Jesus.

What made these individuals so influential was the fact that they had a grand dream of how the world could be, and pursued that dream steadfastly despite of countless setbacks and disappointments.

It is also worth noting that what drove them and gave them energy was their personal spiritual life and connection with a higher power.

When we examine our own situation, however, many times we not only lack conviction to pursue our dreams, but often we have difficulty even articulating exactly what the dream is we are pursuing.

There is also the situation where an individual has a grand dream and conviction, but those around that person are not able to catch on to the same passion and idealism and so the dream cannot spread.

In both cases, whether we are the ones blessed with a grand vision for a better world, or if we find ourselves in a position to support such an individual, I think it is critical that we are able to clearly articulate the vision in such a way that we can take full ownership over it without reservation.

Goodness must be mined

I believe goodness is like a precious metal, to find it within ourselves it takes an enormous amount of effort to dig, locate and uncover it.

That effort, however, is not something to look at as wasteful or cumbersome, rather I see that effort as one of God's greatest blessings where through our own investment in our spiritual journey we are able to discover a part of ourselves that is noble and righteous. It is an honor to walk that path where one can stand on their own merit in confronting my own demons and choosing to seek God's truth.

The fact that it is a struggle should be looked at with such a heart of gratitude, because the alternative is a path of complacency which is not really complacent but rather leads to degradation and an inevitable slide towards the baser elements of human nature.

Don't forsake your individuality

God gave each person a unique individual character and personal responsibility. This means that each individual will inevitably develop a unique worldview and life philosophy based on their life experiences and how they digest them. 

Why did God design it this way? I believe it is so we can be accountable as individuals to our own conscience as our personal guide and thereby develop a mature character and heart that is based on a personal quest for truth, righteousness and goodness. 

Without this personalized journey for self-realization, and if everyone somehow acquired the exact same worldview and life philosophy, it would be quite easy to just mimic others rather than making that personal effort to seek the truth. It would also make the world much less dynamic and decrease the value we find in human interaction.

In today's world, it is especially important to recognize the importance of individuality and personal responsibility because there is a lack of good role models to try to mimic and so if you do start to rely too much on following someone else, you are likely to be guided in a bad direction. 

Either way the path to true fulfillment is only found when you live a life of taking full responsibility for all your actions. It is a good exercise to always question myself and ask why I am doing what I am doing, rather than going the easy way of relying on what someone else said I should do. It is the easier way but it is most likely also the way that will cause you more long-term regrets. 

Being a public-minded family

Our baby, from a very young age, was brought around with us to public events. Often he was happy to see many different people, but there were also times he was tired because we stayed out late. Sometimes I need to work so I have my best friend watch him. Is this right, as his mom?

Yes, I do have "mom guilt" oftentimes. But Nathan and I decided, even before we had children, that we would be a family that lives for God, and therefore lives for the greater good. We want to teach our kids, from very early on, that that is our family tradition. Though it sometimes takes sacrifice, this is the value we want to uphold for the sake of bringing joy to God and to others. When we do this sincerely, we find that we, too, experience the greatest joy.

-Maruko Breland

What is your purpose?

If you are not able to clearly articulate your purpose for doing something and having something, I would warn that it is likely that you will eventually lose whatever it is or your endeavor will be stopped. We only truly value things and activities that we find real purpose in, and if we cannot even articulate what that purpose is, in the end we will lose it. 

What is the purpose of your life? What is the purpose of your family? What is the purpose of your work?

I think it is a healthy exercise to always ask ourselves these questions.

What is my purpose for owning a KLR650 motorcycle? 

Well, it makes me smile for one thing - but the deeper reason is because it trains me to be more courageous and improves my concentration.

Prayer in times of struggle

I'm an emotional person by nature. This can be both good and bad, I've seen. I can experience happiness and gratitude deeply, but also get upset by things relatively easily. I've recently been thinking, what can I do to overcome the battles that occur within myself when I get upset? One major way: through prayer.

Recently my friends and I stayed at an Airbnb together for a few days. Initially I thought, "Wow, this is going to be great!" But although I love these people, living with them was challenging. It's not that they did anything wrong - in fact, they are amazing housemates. But all of us come from different homes with different ways of doing things, so I didn't always see eye-to-eye with all of them, or sometimes I was frustrated that I couldn't do things "my way", the way I usually do in my own home. 

After one incident on the final night, I got quite upset. It wasn't only that incident, but all the other ones started flooding back into my mind. I was on the verge of anger. 

But I knew I didn't want to end the trip like this. I knew I was just being immature, and that I had to let those negative feelings go. So I decided to pray. 

Why pray? Because God has the biggest perspective. I was upset because I was caught up in my own thoughts and feelings. I had a hard time thinking about the other people in the house. As I was contemplating how I could get over it, I remembered something another friend said to me recently: Prayer can help you get to a place of humility and gratitude. 

And although I had to muster up the willingness to be more mature about the situation, once I did, I started to pray, and it truly did bring me to a better place. It brought me the humility to try seeing from others' perspective and accept that it was my problem, not theirs. And it brought me gratitude for them and this opportunity to be with them.

God has such deep love for everyone. During moments when we have a hard time thinking of others, prayer is one of the best things we can do so we can grow to resemble His character more and more. 

-Maruko Breland

What do you believe in?

In this interview of Jordan Peterson by Dennis Prager,  Peterson makes a very interesting statement of how he responds to the question, 'do you believe in God?' Peterson's response is, 'I try to act as if God exists'.

Although he clearly does have a belief in God as shown through his stance on many issues, he explains that he refrains from stating so blankly because to believe in something means not just that you state it but that you act it out fully, which is an incredible task to accomplish given our human condition.

He notes that in actuality we have no idea how immensely noble and virtuous we could be if we did in fact fully believe in God, which points me to an important question: Why don't we believe in God or any moral philosophy fully and how can we increase our level of belief?

There are many answers to that question but one I would like to start with is that we first need to understand the fundamental truths on which our beliefs are based. The term "blind faith" has a negative connotation and for good reason, because if you believe something or say you believe something without understanding the fundamental basis for that belief, it means you are not being fully responsible for your belief and are probably just keeping the belief because it makes you feel good to have it.

Having the humility and self-honesty to admit when you don't fully understand something at least puts one on the trajectory to deeper and fuller understanding which can in turn lead to a much stronger belief than someone who pretends they fully believe in something when in fact they don't even understand what such a belief is based on.

What is a healthy dose of challenge?

When training people to become proficient or excellent in a given field, it is natural to question how rigorous or challenging the training process should be. On the one hand, we can recognize that if the training poses no challenge at all to the trainee, it is unlikely that the trainee will be able to improve in his ability. However, if the training is extremely challenging it can seem overwhelming or even dangerous.

I have found that a big factor in determining what amount of challenge is healthy is the perspective of the trainee. Without a level of commitment to learning and growing, the trainee can easily dismiss any amount of challenge as being too much. However, if the trainee is really serious about growing and advancing, even a seemingly overwhelming challenge can be taken as a valuable learning experience. 

This is why utilizing peer influence in group training programs can be effective, because if the bar is set high in terms of demonstrating individuals that excel through very rigorous training, it can naturally help the others in the group recognize that what seems to be an insurmountable challenge is actually a precious learning opportunity.

The family as God's most prized institution

Today in a call with my parents and younger brother we discussed about the importance of the family as God's most prized institution. We shared how sometimes it's easy to lose sight of this simple truth of what God values the most, especially when we get caught in the weeds of organized religion and what somehow becomes a narrow understanding of truth.

However the simple truth that God wants to see ideal families established that embody his true love and create a peaceful world is something that is universally evident and should not be forgotten. Thus even if I may not always agree with my family members on every issue, I understand that to God, it is more important to invest in building those relationships rather than letting the petty disagreements get in the way, even if those disagreements are seemingly important matters to a particular religious institution.

Lessons gleaned from movies

I love watching movies, but not only for recreational purposes. After watching, I reflect about the deeper messages that the story conveyed. I'm inspired to see that even in movies, produced for entertainment, universal principles and values often shine and touch the hearts of many.

One of my favorite movie series is the "Kung Fu Panda" trilogy. To be honest, I had low expectations when my friends and I decided to watch the first one. But when the end credits started rolling, I thought, "Wow, I'm impressed." The second one was even better, and surprisingly, the third topped them all, and as we all know, that isn't easy to do.

In my perspective, these movies are all about 2 major themes: identity, and destiny. And it is emphasized in the stories about this odd panda that the greatest destiny is one lived for the greater good.

I'll talk particularly about the third movie. If you haven't seen it but plan to, here's a big spoiler alert! If you stop reading here, then I will leave you with a recommendation to watch these movies.

In one of the final scenes of the movie, Master Oogway and Po meet in the spirit realm. They have the following conversation:

Oogway: You finally became the panda you were always meant to be.

Po: But, how'd you know I could?

Oogway: On the first day we met, I saw the future of kung fu, and the past. I saw the panda who could unite them both. That is why I chose you, Po.

Throughout the entire series, Po seems inadequate to become the legendary "Dragon Warrior". Many viewers probably thought that Oogway made a mistake in the very beginning when he chose Po. But Oogway never doubted. Why? Because he saw Po not only as an individual, but as a product of the past, and with the potential for the future. Oogway had experience with the power of chi that the past generation of pandas wielded. He knew Po, as a descendant, came on that foundation, and therefore had the potential to become great.

I believe God sees us this way, too. I believe this is how He guides His providence. None of us are solely individuals - we come on the foundation of our past, standing on the merits of our ancestors. God has led humanity to become better and better through each generation. And as the movie suggests, only through knowing who we are and where we come from can we fulfill our ultimate destiny to better the world for those to come.

-Maruko Breland

The responsibility of leadership

Someone who claims the role of a leader is carrying a heavy burden, if they are fulfilling their responsibility. That is because, to lead others, one has to show the example for others to follow by making more sacrifices and demonstrating greater dedication to a cause. No one will be inspired by a leader that is not making any more effort than everyone else. I guess that is why, in the end, leadership is earned rather than given.