I had always known growing up that I wanted children, at least three of them. In my imagination I would picture having a boy first, then a girl, then another boy. This was my dream.
My husband and I were married in 2015, and we waited three years before having children. Something happened during those years that I didn't expect. During our second year of marriage, I started having a strong sentiment that I did not want to have children. Any of them. I even shocked myself with this thought, but it was hard to shake off.
There could have been a number of reasons for this. I started feeling comfortable with just living with my husband, that I didn't feel the necessity for anything to be different. In fact, I wanted things to stay the way they were. And maybe part of me was scared of the responsibility that comes with bearing and raising a child. I didn't feel ready to become a mom.
But I knew that deep within me remained the desire to have children. Not just the desire, but my values led me in that direction. I grew up learning that the purpose of marriage is to create a family, not a couple alone. I learned that becoming a parent is the best way to understand God's heart. After continuously reminding myself of these points, I slowly gained back the desire to have children.
And I'm so glad I did, because having a child was the best decision of my life. We were blessed with a son last year. In no way am I a pro at being a mom yet - I'm a total beginner! But what's amazing is what I'm learning every day - how to give love with my whole heart. It's not easy, but it is the deepest joy that I've ever felt. I've realized that marriage is for the sake of building a family. The children give that husband and wife purpose, and bring them so much closer together in love, their sense of responsibility and their drive to become better people. Children truly are a blessing, to the marriage of their parents and to the entire family.
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