How a Millenial Gamer Came to Know God

This is my testimony re-posted from Family Peace Association's website.

It is said that God works in mysterious ways, and while I don’t want to discredit that perspective at all, I would also like to posit another seemingly contrary idea, that God works in very obvious and blatant ways as well. This concept does not quite appease the desire for awe-inspiring and miraculous experiences we sometimes seek from God, and yet I somehow sense that the in-your-face and perhaps mundane experiences we have with God might be the most important, especially as these are the experiences that are most relevant and meaningful in our daily lives.

In my own experience growing up, I can share that relating with God may not have been an intentional thought in my mind. Yet, in hindsight, I realize that God was certainly there and investing in me via the most personal and real way possible: through my familial relationships, especially through my relationship with my parents.

It’s not that my parents were the perfect embodiment of God’s love and goodness in every moment. Rather, it was through my efforts to properly relate with my parents in all of life’s difficult and complex reality that I eventually learned what it means to properly relate with God amidst a world of confusion.

As a typical millennial boy becoming a teenager in the early 2000’s, I had immersed myself in the world of video games and had little interest in the world of reality. The hours would fly by as I pursued victory in the go-to game of that time: Starcraft. Yet, one day, while I was in the midst of a major battle in cyberspace, my Mom came to me in tears in the midst of a mini-breakdown.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she wept.

I was struck as if by a bolt of lightning with a feeling of remorse like I’d never felt before. My mother had been slaving away at doing the dishes, caring for us four children and trying to make ends meet, and yet I was so consumed in intergalactic warfare that I hadn’t noticed any of her distress. In an unprecedented move, I walked away from the computer in the midst of a battle to the dismay of my online allies, and I helped my mom finish the household chores. To be honest, I even surprised myself. At a stage in life where honoring the sacred trust of friends even in a meaningless online video game was high on my priorities, I was still able to recognize that my responsibility to help my parents should take precedence.

A short while later I had a frank discussion with one of those friends whom I would frequently game with and together we made a pact to quit video games altogether for a year, both of us recognizing what a drain on valuable time they were. In that newly freed time and mental space, my consciousness of living for the sake of my family grew tremendously and I basically never went back into the gaming world.

I started to reflect on all the blessings our family had received when looking at the situation of the neighborhood around us. In the ghetto South End of Bridgeport, our family was comparatively much more well off than many others. This was true not only economically but also simply in the fact that we had a committed and virtuous 2-parent family. I began to practice more and more not only serving and appreciating my parents and family, but also finding ways to serve my community through simple actions like picking up trash on the street or helping out less fortunate families living nearby. My mother had helped me open my eyes to not only the situation of others, but also my enormous potential to serve and make an impact.

My father was not the type to dictate his children’s lives or make great demands on our behavior. Yet, in his own way, he would still challenge us to live up to our full potential. Through his own example of serving our family and the larger community, he would inspire us in all that we could do and with an occasional push, he would direct us towards what we should do. 

Volunteering in Central America

 Around the same time as my mother broke my ties with video games, my father also challenged me to get out of my comfort zone. He signed me up for a trip to Central America for three weeks, traveling to El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras engaging in service projects in poor communities with an inter-religious volunteer team. It was an incredible experience where I could not only recognize more deeply my unique privilege on an international scale, but also make incredible breakthroughs in my own character and capacity to love others.

I am innately more reserved and quieter than most, and my parents would always prod me to make effort to talk more frequently and with more confidence. During this service trip, I exerted myself to find more ways to invest in others on my team and during the service activities by getting outside my shell. Yet what I experienced was honestly great disappointment and sadness as especially the members of the volunteer team I invested in revealed to me their own reality where they had little interest or sincerity in the goals of the project, basically taking the whole experience to be a vacation. Rather than becoming upset and lashing out at them or just ignoring the situation and minding my own business, I instead took time to pray to understand what was going on from God’s perspective. It was the first time I felt God’s painful heart so deeply as I was able to see my peers from a parental perspective and recognize not only the sad situation that they were in being unable to recognize where true meaning in life comes from, but also God’s desperate desire to awaken their inner potential.

It is often said that each person’s relationship with God is personal and unique, which I believe to be true, yet at the same time there is also an aspect to this unique and personal relationship that is unchanging and universally applicable, which is based on the principle that God is the Creator and we are the created, God is the source and we are the result. In that sense, one could say that the relationship we have with God is a vertical relationship such as that between a parent and child as compared to a horizontal relationship such as between friends. What better place to learn about our proper relationship with God than in our own families where God has given us the most intimate relationships to engage in. 

Nathan and his parents

 In my own experience and in my formative years, the efforts I made in my relationship with my parents is certainly what taught me the most in how to eventually relate with God. Parents provide the greater perspective and stability that allows children to overcome the strong force of peer pressure and their own insecurities. It is only a first step towards becoming the divine sons and daughters of God that we aspire for, but it is an important and necessary step. 

It's the Little Things

When it comes to family life, the little things matter. In order for the family to be healthy, it's important for each person to contribute, to serve and live for the sake of the other family members. And it’s not just about doing it once - it's doing it consistently.

My best teacher in this area has been my husband, Nathan. Ever since I first met him, I could see he was a hardworking person. But I've also seen that a lot of times, people appear a certain way in public, but we see a different side of them once they're at home - a more laidback side. To be comfortable in one's home environment is natural. But what impressed me about Nathan was that he worked hard regardless of where he was.

Now that we're married, it's something I appreciate so much about him. Although I'm sure he comes home tired from a long day of work, the first thing he does when he comes home is smile at our young son. He understands that when he comes home, it's not just about relaxing. When he comes home, he's a husband and a father. This entire week, since I've been busy at work, after he comes home from work he's been cooking dinner every night for our family. He stays up late washing the dishes, and putting our son to bed.

In a family, these acts of service are so crucial. They may seem simple, because they need to be done daily, but they're not easy to do consistently, especially when you're tired. I thank my husband for being my example of what it means to serve your family, in both the big and small ways. How important that is to build a healthy, happy family. I have much to learn!

-Maruko Breland

Dealing with a Bad Day

To be honest, today was just one of those days. Things just wouldn't go right, and it felt like everyone was out to get me. Even from the morning I started to get overwhelmed by this, but I remembered a key point that helped me through the day: attitude. 

No matter what happens, it's my attitude and how I choose to respond to something based on it that will make it a good or bad experience. I recognized that although the morning was difficult, the rest of the day didn't have to be a "bad day". My attitude would determine that. 

At one point later on in the day, things got difficult again. I was receiving feedback from someone at a meeting I was attending, and I was taking things very personally. I took a minute to step out of the room and think about the situation. i came to the conclusion that although people's feedback may hurt sometimes, it's important to hear it so we can work on improving. 

Looking back, I realized this could have been a really bad day. But I decided that I wasn't going to to let it be a bad day. With that attitude, it actually turned into a great day because I learned so much. 

-Maruko Breland

Marriage is for building a Family

One of my respected elders recently said, "A married couple shouldn't wait too long after marriage before having children." After my personal experience, I agree.

I had always known growing up that I wanted children, at least three of them. In my imagination I would picture having a boy first, then a girl, then another boy. This was my dream. 

My husband and I were married in 2015, and we waited three years before having children. Something happened during those years that I didn't expect. During our second year of marriage, I started having a strong sentiment that I did not want to have children. Any of them. I even shocked myself with this thought, but it was hard to shake off. 

There could have been a number of reasons for this. I started feeling comfortable with just living with my husband, that I didn't feel the necessity for anything to be different. In fact, I wanted things to stay the way they were. And maybe part of me was scared of the responsibility that comes with bearing and raising a child. I didn't feel ready to become a mom. 

But I knew that deep within me remained the desire to have children. Not just the desire, but my values led me in that direction. I grew up learning that the purpose of marriage is to create a family, not a couple alone. I learned that becoming a parent is the best way to understand God's heart. After continuously reminding myself of these points, I slowly gained back the desire to have children. 

And I'm so glad I did, because having a child was the best decision of my life. We were blessed with a son last year. In no way am I a pro at being a mom yet - I'm a total beginner! But what's amazing is what I'm learning every day - how to give love with my whole heart. It's not easy, but it is the deepest joy that I've ever felt. I've realized that marriage is for the sake of building a family. The children give that husband and wife purpose, and bring them so much closer together in love, their sense of responsibility and their drive to become better people. Children truly are a blessing, to the marriage of their parents and to the entire family. 

Being a public-minded family

Our baby, from a very young age, was brought around with us to public events. Often he was happy to see many different people, but there were also times he was tired because we stayed out late. Sometimes I need to work so I have my best friend watch him. Is this right, as his mom?

Yes, I do have "mom guilt" oftentimes. But Nathan and I decided, even before we had children, that we would be a family that lives for God, and therefore lives for the greater good. We want to teach our kids, from very early on, that that is our family tradition. Though it sometimes takes sacrifice, this is the value we want to uphold for the sake of bringing joy to God and to others. When we do this sincerely, we find that we, too, experience the greatest joy.

-Maruko Breland

The family as God's most prized institution

Today in a call with my parents and younger brother we discussed about the importance of the family as God's most prized institution. We shared how sometimes it's easy to lose sight of this simple truth of what God values the most, especially when we get caught in the weeds of organized religion and what somehow becomes a narrow understanding of truth.

However the simple truth that God wants to see ideal families established that embody his true love and create a peaceful world is something that is universally evident and should not be forgotten. Thus even if I may not always agree with my family members on every issue, I understand that to God, it is more important to invest in building those relationships rather than letting the petty disagreements get in the way, even if those disagreements are seemingly important matters to a particular religious institution.

You shall know them by their frutis

"You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit." Matthew 7:16

The greatest measure of a man is in his children, because in the ultimate sense, they are the 'fruits' of your life. Today I reflected about this as I mentored some youth in my community.

We did a project where the kids made fruit-kabobs for their siblings. I could understand more why parents are the happiest when their children get along and love each other. It is because they are demonstrating the good fruit of the parents' life-long investment.

Thank God for the family where we can learn these valuable lessons.

Do you respect your parents?

Mom and I at Route 2 in Washington, December 2014

Without our parents, we would not exist. Our parents not only give us our identity but they create the healthy environment that allow us to grow to maturity. In short, we should respect our parents, if only for these simple, fundamental reasons.

But how do we respect our parents? In the Eastern, Confucian tradition, it is emphasized that children strictly obey their parents instructions, yet in Western culture based on Enlightenment-era thinking, children are encouraged to become independent, self-sufficient and find their own sense of fulfillment, however they may choose to find it. As a son of a Japanese mom and American dad, I think there is a balance somewhere between those two, but I think there are also are aspects where both of these traditions are lacking. I believe what brings parents the greatest joy is to see their children fulfill their deepest held ideals.

Why do I believe that? Because, simply put, life is short. In one life, there is only so much that we can do and accomplish. But if our deepest held ideals and dreams can live on through our children and our children's children as a family tradition, how much more joy and happiness will that bring us?

And what could bring a child greater fulfillment, than to bring one's parents joy that lasts far beyond one lifetime? Especially if the ideals are noble and grand, making a family tradition of pursuing those ideals paints one of the most beautiful images I can think of.